Novel Bin Chapter 710 - Loneliness
They wanted to give up, to rest forever. Anyone would quickly realize their thoughts were suicidal… they probably sacrificed themselves and formed a new self in Yggdrasil so they could leave the work to their descendant which carried all their power within herself.
But would Yggdrasil want the same? She didn\'t mind taking all the burden, she loved her mothers and knew about their sacrifice, she knew that they wanted to rest, she simply wanted their guidance. To just… talk with them!
"Mothers… please! Just talk with me… I want to talk! Please… Anastacia, Juliette!" she cried.
Like every day, she spoke to them, but they remained still, without talking, sleeping for eternity, unmoving, without caring, without knowing, in complete comatose.
"…"
"…"
"Ahh… Hopeless… I guess I can always try tomorrow, right?" sighed Yggdrasil.
As she sighed in sorrow, she suddenly recalled the little memories she made today with Ervas and Veronica\'s crew. After all the things she and her mothers had gone through, she never truly expected them to ever come back, but somehow, they did, they came back after billions of years.
To Yggdrasil this still felt a bit surreal, but she was also clouded with a lot of anger and frustration against them and didn\'t wanted their help at all. Due to such a thing, she didn\'t let them talk her out of this nor she let them offer their help to her, she didn\'t wanted to do anything with them…
Even as incredible and insane as it was the sole thought of these forbidden creators to finally come back… they had been absent for so, so long, that it seemed completely insane, a dream, even, for them to be here right now.
They had actually arrived, it was incredible, she never thought this would even happen. She never thought an outcome like this would ever happen either. She always thought this was it, this was the end of it… but… they came back! The parents that were so irresponsible yet incredibly powerful.
When she needed help the most, they actually showed up, but she wished they would had showed up before, when the Hivemind first emerged, she wished they could had showed up when they truly needed them the most!
But it wasn\'t as if their help wasn\'t needed anymore, their needed was very well needed. Yggdrasil began to think of her as stupid for keeping grudges that didn\'t belong to her. She wasn\'t her mothers, yet she kept their grudges and treated these creators, her technical grandparents, awfully…
But they didn\'t even hated her back, this was the most surprising thing. Even after she showed them hostility and hate, they tried to be friendly with her and even brought her to her own society, the own society she made up using the Erveronians descendants, which she had never given any attention aside from the basics one.
She realized she had not even meet her own people, nor talked with them, nor experienced life with them. She had been missing in a whole lot of beautiful experiences because of her own thoughts and her own way of seeing things. She ended being stupid, insanely stupid.
Today she was given a big realization by these she hated that she had been a bad parent herself… she had not even spoken to these wonderful people she had been seeing all this time, ignoring them completely. It felt surreal for her that she never actually did any of this, finding it "useless" or "worthless". She couldn\'t even believe that her own thoughts had been so ruthless against her own people, the people her mother\'s actively spoke with and guided.
"I am really a bad mother myself… I guess I cannot really live up to you two, you were amazing… You were all I cannot be… I wish you could be here, to guide me in being a better person… I wish… I could have you with me… Since the moment I was born that you were gone already. I wish… I wish we could had spent some time together… Mothers…" sighed Yggdrasil. She had begun to feel rather hopeless; she began to consider that… they would never wake up.
She began to realize her own mothers simply wanted to stay in this dead-like state, and sleep forever for all eternity, reality was too disappointing, not just often disappointing… due to this, they felt the hopelessness of everything and grew tired of everything. They wanted the sweet release of death. They were indeed suicidal.
She sighed, Yggdrasil decided to let them be. Perhaps one day… one day… they will come back to her and teach her how to be a good goddess, maybe one day they will come back… after they get enough rest…
But they had been resting for eons now… and nothing. She… still didn\'t lose hope. Unlike her own mothers, she had yet to lose hope in life. And decided to keep striving forward, as sorrowful as it was, and as dreadful as the future ahead seemed to be. She couldn\'t falter for a single second as she moved forward.
However, she couldn\'t help but feel terrible anyways, she was a thinking and emotional being after all, the sorrow she felt was more than real, and she didn\'t wanted to end here…
She considered asking for help to Ervas and Veronica for some time, but quickly decided to go against this idea, it looked too outrageous, after all she had done to ask them for help? It was breaking her pride as a goddess and also it would feel shameless…
She didn\'t wanted to…
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